Muff Divers
Breakfast that's NSFW and the myth of our goddess
A warm, buttery welcome!
The Gullet is a bite-sized newsletter created by two longtime friends. Each week, Kitty and Greg (and sometimes a guest!) chew and spew about food that either makes their tummies smile or feel vile. With every meal, we hold out hope that we’ll relish in the glory of a brilliant bake or, at the very least, be able to laugh collectively in the face of a sad salad.
And now for our first entries…
Morning Glory Hole - Kitty
On Saturday, I stopped by Phantom Farms for breakfast to go. Upon arrival at home, I was appalled to discover someone had drilled a hole in the middle of my muffin and shoved a big ol’ glob of salty butter in its crevice. I never thought I’d see what a blueberry muffin would look like as a fleshlight, but life is full of surprises! Did it taste good? Well, yes. Do I have a photo on my phone that will startle me until the end of time? Also yes.
The verdict: Visually a food loss, but a flavorful food win.
Name drop: Phantom Farms
A Diamond in the Muff - Greg
An unplanned brunch sojourn this weekend led me to Willa's Cafe in Catskill. I’m no stranger to their bake case, so when I saw a tray labeled "Brown Butter Breakfast Muffin," I went on high alert. A new girl in town! When it comes to muffins, I don’t expect much, but how can you go wrong with "brown butter" as your headliner? One of my instant disqualifications for muffins is when they're too big (they're trying to overcompensate for something!) However, these little beauties were perfectly sized and shaped like the head of a dick! The taste? A mesmerizing blend of vanilla and cinnamon—balanced and not too sweet. All said and done, these confections were a muff diver's delight—the golden treasure at the bottom of Baked Good Bay.
The verdict: Food win.
Name drops: Willa’s Bakery Cafe
Hear Our Cries, O Goddess
Lady Delish is The Gullet’s goddess of culinary delight and is oft-mentioned in our entries. If she blesses a meal, you’ve struck food gold. Blessings can exist in varying degrees, such as a whisper (divine benediction), a kiss (palate pleaser), or a Stomach of Steel (protection). Lady Delish appears to each person in a different corporeal form depending on their unique preferences and flavor profiles. Call to her next time your foodie forecast feels bleak.
Let us know what’s going down your gullet! Drop us a note at putitinthegullet@gmail.com